Intentional, Quality Time--Not All Day?

The other day at the park, a mom said she wouldn't judge a working mom again. She spoke of how mothers need time, whether it be at work, away, or simply something to do that lets their minds think of other things. This may seem weird to those who think mothers should always and only be around their children 24/7, as if that is their job and duty, and is somehow good, which is sort of how I was raised, but I really liked what this mom had to say.

Later in the conversation,another mom said that she thinks you can be a better mom if you have some time to do other things. This time does not have to be long or complicated--just something other than "mothering" (though maybe this alone-time could be part of mothering?).

Anyway, I think I agree with these mothers. My trip to the hospital for my cousin today spoke volumes about the ideas they spoke of at the park. A woman who delivered food to the rooms was rude, soooo rude to the patients,and I began to think about her and her job. Maybe she was having a bad day, or a bad week, or whatever, but I began to wonder if she's easily annoyed by these "people" who don't know what to do at a hospital. It's not their fault; unless someone is regularly or often hospitalized, and in the same hospital, why would anyone know the procedures off the top of their head? Anyway, I began to wonder if these "people" were just a job to the rude lady, if they were annoying objects she had to "deal with" since working at the hospital is her "job." Her job is, after all, full of people who mean nothing, who are nothing, to her at least. I wondered if constant contact with people you don't know and will probably never know day in and day out is desensitizing, objectifying, and maybe not a good idea.

People in the hospital are usually nervous, emotional, afraid--something--and they need to have people who are interested in them as people, not as "patients" and not as room numbers. The connection with this to parenting is that perhaps constant contact with the same people (or kinds of people you can never know) over and over again allows for a less human interaction.

I watched another mother at the park with her daughter use the time to talk to people on the phone; she apologized for her daughter's interruption, as if her daughter was the problem and not the phone conversation when she was supposed to be at the park with her daughter. I had very little symphathy for this mom when she talked about her daughter's behavioral problems, especially since she seemed so sweet and incredibly people-pleasing (though I think she should be careful of how she talks to and treats her daughter as to not guilt, overburden, or walk all over her).

This mom whom I assumed was of the "stay at home" variety was not in any way immersed in her child's play. She was annoyed by it, and participated begrudgingly, but I thought, what if this mother didn't feel a need to be around all the time, resulting almost inevitably in a half-hearted and distant presence, but instead spent time thoroughly engrossed in her child's play, participating joyfully in the fun that her daughter has for her? Perhaps those short periods of intentional time really are more satisfactory for both the child and the mother (or other parent, of course). Perhaps then there is more love to go around.