Church, Enemies, Love, and Unity

This morning in church, the reverend prayed:

"Let us seek to understand, rather than be understood, let us seek to love, rather than be loved..."

This upset me, not in some "righteous anger" way because he "said something wrong" or is perpetuating something I "don't like," but in a sad way, because I know, that at this point in my life, where and how I live, I do not do this.

I am not saying I do not seek to understand others, but when there is a problem or a fight, I absolutely seek to be understood, especially when I feel that it is not happening. I become consumed with myself, with my point of view, with anger at the person for not understanding or trying to understand me.

I recognized a while ago, from living at home, that when I feel no one cares to listen or understand, I make sure to defend myself. If no one else will, then I will. This has, of course, carried over into other things, and I assume it will change as the places in which I live and the people with whom I live change.

I'm pretty sure I was not like this while living in college. I'm pretty sure I was more concerned with other people, with friends, and their lives. I'm pretty sure we took care of each other, and it was good.

Now I live at home, and for the most part, feel alone. I have a boyfriend, but he is far away, removed from much of my daily life. I have my sister, but she leaves soon, and I have my parents, with whom I watch movies and t.v. shows in a bonding sort of way, but I mostly only live in my head. Memories of times and places and people with whom I fit reside there, in my head, and there I remember when I was less alone. While those memories are occasionally comforting, they do not make up for the lack of people with whom I feel I can live in a sort of community.

All this to say, I think the reverend is right, in that we are to care for each other rather than ourselves, but I think he does not completely encompass the matter of which he speaks. Yes, we are to care for those who do not care for us, for people outside the Church, but I think there is a problem when we are required to do so for people within the Church. Church is a place where, I think, people are supposed to be wanted, loved, and cherished. Christians are supposed to matter to each other. Requiring someone to never need to be loved is unfair; though Christians are to love enemies, they are, too, supposed to be loved by their Christian family.

I feel, though, that in our society, full of "individuals," we often have enemies within the Church. We see ourselves as individuals, all being exhorted to the same love command with no distinction between those within the Church and without. Perhaps the lack of community is a problem to be addressed within Church; perhaps unity in love is what we as a Church are to be exhorted to; perhaps loving our enemies needs to be qualified, saved for specific (though often) discussions of how to live with those not in the Church. Perhaps these things were addressed with such specificity by Paul, and perhaps Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, was not speaking to a collection of individuals, but to a group of people, teaching them how to respond to those not of their group.

Perhaps I am still to care for those in the Church who do not care for me regardless, but perhaps their lack of caring is a problem to be addressed, and not accepted, as well.